The Revenant (2015) Movie Review

When General Hugh Glass (Leonardo DiCaprio) separates himself from his hunting party to go on a quick solo hunt of his own, he runs into a big problem in the way of an angry momma grizzly. The bear that you probably saw in the trailer tears Glass to shreds. Not only does the man (Fitzgerald, played by Tom Hardy) that volunteered to stay with him leave him behind but he also kills Glass' son on the way out. Imagine how all of that probably made Glass feel. Mad enough to go on one hell of a revenge tear.

The Revenant is directed by Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, the same man that brought you Birdman. I've tried to watch Birdman multiple times and just can't seem to get into it. The dreamscapes are supposed to help push the story along, but it was more of a distraction to me than anything. I bring this up because Inarritu uses a multitude of dreamscapes and flashbacks in The Revenant as well. This film definitely could have done with less of that as it was over 2 1/2 hours. I also thought the ending was a bit ambiguous, but neither the dreamscapes or the ending were enough to keep this movie down.

Snowcapped mountains surrounding a rapid river. A pack of wolves taking down a buffalo on the plains. A ball of ants dragging prey back to their colony. I could fill this page with the number of beautiful shots you witness throughout the course of this film. The beauty of all this is not in the shots themselves, but in the stark contrast of the brutal frontier violence that sometimes occurs right after. It's this combo of "salty and sweet" that makes this movie work so well.

The movie sucks you in from the first five minutes and doesn't let go. An attack on the hunting party by Native Americans kicks things off as Glass' group attempts to fight an enemy they can't seem to see while racing to an escape boat. The camera subtly moves from hunter to hunter while arrows are whizzing by and piercing through people and trees. There are some slower moments, but you are always in anticipation of the next battle.

To me, this was DiCaprio's best role. He plays a man broken by heartache, but bound by vengeance. You can feel his pain throughout the film, a pain that leaves you saying, "Man, am I glad I'm not that guy." While his performance was the best, it didn't overshadow Tom Hardy's performance as Fitzgerald. Now here was a guy you really had no problem hating. Easily one of the best villains I've seen since Denzel's Alonzo in Training Day.

If you need a good movie to see, look no further. I give The Revenant a 91.

Retro Review: Joe Versus the Volcano (1990)

The beginning, albeit a little drawn-out, is great. You quickly meet Joe played by Tom Hanks, a down-on-his-luck hypochondriac who works for the worst company ever and can't seem to stay healthy. In a funny unraveling, you start to get an understanding of who Joe is and the magnitude of how terrible his life has become. To me, the interactions with his boss at the beginning of the film are classic and easily the best parts of the movie. When Joe finally has decided he has had enough and wants to quit, a hilarious scene ensues that I found myself laughing harder at than when Jerry Maguire packed up and left his agency.

That was the beginning and, if I only had to rate movies based on the first ten minutes, not only would I have a lot more time on my hands, but I would have probably given this movie a solid B. Unfortunately, there was another eighty-seven minutes to sit through and things quickly unraveled. Starting with the premise, Joe is approached by a random millionaire tycoon to jump into a volcano in the South Pacific as a sacrifice to keep the locals happy. I can't make this stuff up. John Patrick Shanley can, however, and let's just say I hope some kind of disarming drug was involved when he did. Maybe it's satire, but I don't get it.

In any event, Joe is convinced to perform this sacrifice after he is told by a doctor that he has a "brain cloud" and only has months left to live. Again, not making this up. I'm normally pretty good at suspending disbelief for movies, but why Joe didn't think to question a brain cloud is beyond me. What follows, though, actually left me in a brain cloud of my own. It was scene after scene of what felt like forced but random interactions that steered Joe to the final climax--The volcano. By that point, I didn't really care that he had fallen in love and now had a reason to live. The relationship itself between him and Patricia (Meg Ryan) seemed rushed and more a necessary means to get to the end of the story.

Roger Ebert gave Joe Versus the Volcano 3.5 stars. This is one we're going to have to disagree on. I give it a 22.

Daddy's Home (2015) Movie Review

In Daddy's Home, Will Ferrell plays a stepdad by the name of Brad Whitaker that's trying his hardest to be loved by his two stepchildren. Just as things are starting to turn a corner, along comes their biological father and badass Dusty Mayron (Mark Wahlberg). The movie basically revolves around their battle of one upsmanship and all the antics that ensue.

I wanted to like this movie, I really did. Ferrell and Wahlberg were hilarious in The Other Guys due to their awkward relationship that always looked like it was ready to blow. In this movie however, it feels like more of a case of trying too hard, like things were more forced than funny. Ferrell's character bothered me throughout. Maybe it's because I, myself. am a stepdad. I don't know. What I do know is his character was way too happy-go-lucky and naive for my taste, very one-sided. Think Elf, but even less funny.

It's sad because this movie had a massive potential to be so much better and it wasn't. Despite its shortcomings, I still give Daddy's Home a 68 for not being completely unbearable.

Krampus (2015) Movie Review

It's not what you think, like at all. If you go in expecting to be scared out of your mind, you are going to be very disappointed. When you think of a movie-watching experience with Krampus, think Gremlins. Will you have as much fun watching this as you did Gremlins? I would say so.

The Engel family is getting together for Christmas. This isn't the Tanners from "Full House" we're talking about here. These guys hate each other with a passion. There isn't five minutes of screen time before they get into an argument of some sort. When they're not arguing, the tension is always thick. Finally, things come to a head when the youngest Engel Max (Emjay Anthony) gets so frustrated that he rips up his letter to Santa and throws it out into the wind. Madness ensues as Krampus the Christmas demon comes with his gang of creepy helpers to teach the Engels a lesson about the Christmas spirit.

I'm always mindful of spoiling a movie so it will be a bit of a challenge to go into the things I didn't like unless you've seen it for yourself. Let's just say there were a lot of things that remain ambiguous throughout the movie and are never really explained. I'm not talking little things, but rather things that would make the film make a lot more sense. I also wasn't very fond of the ending. Not saying it was a bad ending, it was just...ambiguous. There goes that word again. Just not definitive enough for me to leave fully satisfied.

Despite these flaws, there are some great and memorable scenes in the movie. The first five minutes alone suck you in--a slow-motion scene of an in-store melee and a brawl taking place at the same time during a Christmas play. It's hilarious noticing all the little things that were captured here. Comedy abounds throughout the film with David Koechner leading the way as Uncle Howard. If he's onscreen, you know something crazy or off-the-wall is about to happen. The blend of comedy-horror works great as there are some truly creepy moments also, but nothing that will have you running out of the theater. I will say you might never look at Christmas cookies the same way again after seeing this movie.

Krampus is a decent movie that could have been great save for a few flaws. I give it a 74.

Sisters (2015) Movie Review

Sisters occasionally falls into the trap of being too sappy to the point where it had me rolling my eyes at certain points. I'm not one immune to sappy moments in film. I would just prefer that they not be over the top. Too much sap and you've got me frozen in time in what was otherwise a pretty darn good movie.

It gets off to a slow start as it seems like it is trying too hard to be funny. After about twenty minutes of that, the laughs come naturally and often. After the first hour, you will probably have experienced at least a couple of moments where you're laughing harder than expected. Amy Poehler and Tina Fey are naturals together from their days on SNL and nothing changes here. With Poehler's awkwardness and Fey's eccentric antics, it keeps the movie entertaining for a good long time. Their epic Ellis Island blast will give you something to talk about on the ride home. The ending is also pretty satisfying as it ties a nice, funny bow on to everything. Overall, I give Sisters an 85!

Retro Speed Review: The Santa Clause (1994)

I don't know what it is about Tim Allen, but he just gets me. When he's trying to be funny, it doesn't always seem like it's on purpose. That's a part of what I think makes The Santa Clause work so well. There is one particular scene where he's delivering a canoe to a family. He gets so frustrated with the little girl asking the typical questions that normal kids do that he ends up throwing the paddle. Seeing him so flustered is just hilarious to me. It's the same exact reason I laughed so hard at Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa. Two entirely different movies of course, yet they manage to hit your funny bone in exactly the same way. Allen's acting is superb and he manages to keep the laughs coming throughout the film. If you haven't seen it yet, I feel like this is one you can watch during any time of the year and still get a kick out of it. I give it an 85.